Why Listen?

We live today in a world full of people talking at each other and never breaking through the barriers of bias to make a meaningful impact. Go anywhere on social media and you'll see that even in the most positive groups there are people who have an opinion for everything and who are willing to spend an entire day debating each and every response. While there are a number of theories as to why this is the case, including the lack of face-to-face interactions, my experience has shown the following:

We are more interested in being viewed as right than we are in being right. We aren't listening to each other. When we interact online or in person, we're listening for an opportunity to respond and catch the other person in a mistake. This shallow attempt at asserting our dominance has taken away the civility of common debate and has directly led to the rise of groups like Antifa and the Alt-Right. These are groups with a mob mentality who will shout you down and use violence against you for something as minuscule as liking or disliking a president. Think about that. For simply stating, "I voted for x because I believe they fit my values better than y" you can be seen as evil.

So how to we fix that?

Well first we need to stop responding and start asking questions with curiosity. When someone says, "I believe in x", try something like "That's really interesting. Tell me more." That's it. Then you shut up and listen to what they say. If you disagree, ask more exploratory questions.

"When did you first realize you felt this way?"

"What initially brought you to that conclusion?"

"What has been the benefit of that frame of mind?"

We're building a base. We're learning about their journey to the state they're in. People love talking about themselves. In asking these questions, you're taking the guard away from the gate and giving them a platform on which to share their ideas without judgment. Once their guard is down, you can begin to ask permission to share your journey as well. Now you're having a conversation and there is a sense of each other's humanity.

What I've found in doing this is we tend to have more in common than we all think. Communists and Capitalists all want to see the poor elevated and people get what they deserve. The difference is in how to get there. If we agree that we both want to improve society and see people living in better conditions, we can at least agree that neither of us is an enemy.

Test it out. Next time someone shares an opinion with which you disagree, don't call them out. Ask them about it. Find out their why. It's the only way to grow and move forward as a society and it's more important now than ever before.

Here's a short video to break it down:

-Tommy Giorlando