[Intro: Mark Douglas]
Hey girl. It's been a long time since I've done this
Sex, I mean. You see, I'm just getting over a really painful divorce
So you might wanna lower your expectations just a tad
I wanna go ahead and apologize in advance for what is probably going to be an underwhelming experience for you
FYI, lately I haven't been able to have an orgasm without crying
Just something I've been working on with my shrink
Am I talking too much?
This is gonna be awkward

[Verse 1: Ahmir]
You're thinking that he's gonna love you and it will be hot
You're wondering if he'll love you all night (probably not)
He's always been dumbfounded by female anatomy
Be his Watson, girl, and help him solve this mystery
(Now he's nauseous) from the pressure plus he's really drunk
(His prophylactic) is suffocating his poor junk
(He's self-conscious) about his man boobs and his hairy chest
He took off his shirt but he's still got a furry vest

[Verse 2: Mark Douglas & Ahmir]
It's not uncommon for me to have performance anxiety (it's very common in old guys)
It's not helping that a bunch of dudes are singing right behind me
And now you're freakin' cus you thinkin' what the hell have I gotten myself into
As you look in his eyes, you'll soon realize that you won't be coming too

[Chorus: Ahmir]
Cus he's just a nervous guy (so scared)
He always gives you TMI (too much information)
And never ever shuts his yap
Can't you tell she doesn't give a crap?
Yes, he's just a nervous dude (so nervous)
Always finds a way to kill the mood

[Verse 3: Mark Douglas, Ahmir & Lauren Francesca]
You remind me of my sister from the one time that I kissed her but it was just a peck
Ewwwwww
No, no, no, it wasn't anything weird, it was like a happy birthday, mwah
I think you should leave
Alright then, girl, I told you it was gonna be weird
You can't say I didn't warn you, baby
C'mon fellas, let's go
No, they can stay
Damn girl, that's messed up, but I understand
After all, they are Ahmir, the most popular R&B group on YouTube

[Chorus: Ahmir]
It's too bad you're a nervous guy
It's time for you to say goodbye (bye bye bye bye bye bye)
Really missed your chance (bye bye bye bye bye bye)
Coulda got into her paints (bye bye bye bye bye bye)
But no, no, no (bye bye bye bye bye bye)