[Verse 1]
(Ho! Ho!)
When it's Christmas time, everybody’s waitin' in a big ass line
To sit on my lap and beg for Elmos, iPads and crap, yeah
Brats are outta control, my elves are doing nothing but shovelin' coal
Older girls sit on me
And get their picture taken ironically, hey

[Pre-Chorus]
Girl, look at that belly
Like a bowl full of jelly
As seen on the telly
It sticks out
I come down your chimney
Though it don’t quite fit me
Why do I smell kindling?
Put it out

[Chorus]
My doctor told me I had diabetes
That's what happens when you eat a hundred billion cookies
I still deliver all this booty
It don't matter if its drizzlin', freezin', sleetin', blowin, snowin'
I'm Santa and I know it
I’m Santa and I know it

[Verse 2]
Yo
I got a big ole gut, I ain’t nutcracker but do bust nuts
Girls love the taste of my sugarplums and my candy cane
I got a list of naughties, it's pretty much a listing of all my shawties
Wait, let me explain it, Mrs. Claus and I have a special arrangement, yeah

[Pre-Chorus]
I’m jolly and burly
I never come early
I'm stuffin' your turkey
Check it out
When ladies get nippy
I'm makin’ deliveries
From Dallas to Sydney
Then I'm out

[Chorus]
Single moms are friendly every Christmas Eve
When the night comes to an end, my sack is always empty
I got a 9-inch beard and I ain't afraid to grow it, blow it, show it, comb it, stroke it
I'm Santa and I know it
I'm Santa and I know it

Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle bells
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, elves
Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph, sail
I'm Santa and I know it