[Verse 1]
I make this dumb face (derp)
I got zero shame
I'm dancing like Elaine
Invading people's space (excuse me)
Here comes a fake laugh (huhuhuh)
And now I'm acting black (yo, yo dawg)
I know tons of raps
Like Notorious 2-Pac (I'm strapped)

[Pre-Chorus]
I'm such a doofus
Acting like I'm clueless
But I can be ruthless
If you break my heart
You'll end up in a shitty song

[Chorus]
But I never, ever, ever get pissed or miffed
I just bottle up my rage then write a hit
I treat haters like a fly at a picnic
And I whack 'em off, whack 'em off (ha, ha, ha)
I read every comment and message board
And "swiftkickr" said I wasn't as good as Lorde
Gonna find him and squish his testicles
Turn and cough, turn and cough (ow, ow, ow)

[Verse 2]
I fuck English guys (groovy, baby)
I got hotdog thighs
I always act surprised (I won?)
Life is surprise (Yay me!)
These girls are working hard (yes, we're working hard)
They went to Julliard (maxed out credit cards)
But I dance like a 'tard (that's true)
And I'm a superstar (life's cruel)

[Pre-Chorus]
Now I'll try twerking
But my butt ain't working
It's just some spastic jerking
Let me crawl below
While I peek at your camel toes

[Interlude]
Hey, hey, hey
Just think in the time I spent writing a song about shaking it off
I could have been actually shaking it off
To this sick beat

[Bridge]
This part's designed to be sung in time
By some 12 year old girls in a mall (best friends)
Just turned 24, not a kid anymore
But I act like I'm just like y'all
What is this? I asked for Dijon mustard

[Chorus]
And I'm drivin' you insane-sane-sane-sane-sane
With my infinite refrain-frain-frain-frain-frain-frain
Torturing your brain-brain-brain-brain-brain
(Shut it off! Shut it off!) Ha, ha, ha!
I was hired by the CIA-A-A
Just to write a song to play-play-play-play-play
At Guantanamo Bay-Bay-Bay-Bay-Bay baby
(Make it stop! Make it stop!)